Kirsten Donaghey

Like many of us, I first learned about ADHD when my son was diagnosed. I became his advocate and learned everything I could about his challenges and how I could best support him. As I was doing this, things started to tweak in my mind - hmmm that sounds a bit like me, is it possible I have ADHD? Then I read that 90% of people with ADHD have at least one parent who also has it. I decided to get tested, not really believing I had it, but thinking it was possible I had the inattentive-type. 

The big surprise came when I was diagnosed as ADHD hyperactive-type. This blew my mind. I was a calm person, not hyper. I didn't interrupt people or feel a constant need to be moving. But apparently I am a fidgeter. The psychologist said I have been masking my symptoms my whole life, trying to control the restlessness, the impulse to interrupt, and that this 'outward' calmness was a coping mechanism. In that moment, everything became clear - all these things I felt, were actually symptoms of ADHD. I knew women were brilliant at masking symptoms, I just hadn't realized I was doing it. 

My diagnosis brought on an emotional rollercoaster ride in which I felt sad for all those years that I was trying to thrive but was going about it in a way that felt more like pushing boulders. Of course I had wins, I had moments where I felt amazing and in tune with my strengths, but I hadn't learned how to lean into them. And then there was the knowledge that I had been masking. This led to the question, who am I really if I've been hiding behind this mask of control and perfection? But through my own journey of working with a coach and finally becoming one myself, I was able to discover and label my strengths (leadership, creativity, wisdom, intuition, idea generation) and use them to manage and grow my life. By fully understanding what my ADHD brain looks like I have been able to help others understand what theirs looks like. This makes me happy because knowledge, especially self-knowledge, is power.